It’s only ever feedback
OPINION
By Richard Evans, President Whitsundays Writers Festival
We all know the moment. You send the email, hand in the report, share the poem, cook the dinner, make the decision, and then the responses arrive. Some land like a hand on your shoulder. Others feel like a shove. Learning to tell criticism from feedback, and learning to manage both, is one of the most useful skills any of us can build, in art, at work, and at home.
At its simplest, criticism judges; feedback helps you grow.
Criticism sounds like a verdict: “This is good.” “This is bad.” “I like it.” “I don’t.” It tells you how something landed in someone else’s world, but not how to make it land better.
Feedback is more like a set of tools. It’s specific and pointed toward improvement: “This part loses me.” “It would help if you explained your reasoning here.” “I think this arrangement is crowding you.”
There’s an old truth in this: it’s easy to criticise, harder to give useful feedback.
Anyone can say “I didn’t like it.” Fewer people can say “here’s what didn’t work, and why.” One person points at a flaw; another offers a path forward. Both are reacting, only one is offering something you can use. Your job isn’t to accept every comment. It’s to learn to sort them.
Separate the thing from yourself. People aren’t commenting on the whole of who you are; they’re responding to what you put in front of them; the draft, the decision, the meal, the plan. That distinction won’t stop it stinging. It will sting. But it helps to remember: feedback is about the work, not your worth. Being criticised is a normal part of doing anything that matters, not a sign you shouldn’t be doing it.
Don’t respond immediately. When something harsh or confusing arrives, pause. Read it. Acknowledge it if you need to. Then step away. A few hours, ideally a day. Resist the urge to defend, explain, or argue in the moment. “Thanks, I’ll think about that” is often enough. This protects your energy, and it protects the relationship.
Once you’ve made space, run the comment through some filters.
- Substance: Does this point to something real: a gap, an unclear step, a genuine consequence?
- Fit: Does acting on it support what you’re actually trying to do, or someone else’s version of it?
- Source: Who’s saying it? Someone who knows you and means well, or a passing remark with no skin in the game? If several people, independently, raise the same point, it’s usually worth serious thought.
You don’t have to use all feedback. But it’s wise to listen before you decide.
It helps, too, to sort feedback into types.
- Some is constructive, specific, and something you can act on.
- Some is simply taste, “not for me,” which tells you more about the person than the work.
- Some is just noise. Sharpness for its own sake, with nothing to build on.
Learn from the first two. Let the third go. Keep a mental folder of the kind, useful words people have given you and revisit it when a harsh one lands. Talk to people who know what you’re aiming for. They’ll help you read the feedback for what it actually is.
Criticism and feedback are both mirrors. One shows you how something landed. The other shows you how to help it land better next time.
The task was never to avoid the sting. It’s to stay standing, stay curious, and keep going.
Richard can be contacted via hello@whitsundayswriters.com